Necessary Maintenance

This morning I woke up and had to drive my car to the dealership to have some maintenance performed. The frustrating part is that the dealership is in the opposite direction of the church office. I don’t like having to fight the traffic to get there, then waiting in line to get the paperwork done so my car can be serviced. In fact, the easy thing to do would just be put off getting the car serviced!

The interesting part is that my car is showing no signs of needing any service; it’s just recommended that it be done. It looks the same, drives the same, and I still really like my car. So why take the time to get something done when it appears by looking and listening to the car that it doesn’t need anything done?

Each day I set time in my schedule to get alone with the Lord for study and prayer. There are days when it’s really tough because I have so many other things I need to get done and that alone time with the Lord just causes me to delay the “must do’s.” I’m not feeling any less spiritual or finding myself battling some temptation where I need God to intervene. My life is at a state where I feel like things are progressing perfectly to fulfill God’s purpose. In fact, if you ask most people, they would say that I’m a great Christian and there are no major issues that I need to have worked on in my life.

The reality is this: Yes, my car does appear to be perfectly normal, but every day that I drive it I am putting wear and tear on it. The engine is slowly breaking down the fluids inside of it every time I drive. The tires wear out just a little more when I am out on the road. The weather works on removing the finish that protects the paint on my car. All of these little things happen so slowly that you don’t even notice them happening. Yet, if fluids were not changed, tires not replaced, or even new finishes put on the car’s surface, the car would begin to show signs of wearing out. I’ve seen cars that should last for years ruined because of the lack of maintenance.

My spiritual journey needs daily maintenance. If I don’t find the time to renew myself and refocus, I begin to change. It may not easily be noticed, but soon things begin to irritate me that shouldn’t. I don’t worship the way I should but instead stand by as a spectator. Teaching and preaching simply become times to talk rather than compelling me to pursue more of Christ. Relationships are hindered because my love is not the love of Christ radiating from my life. So, just as my car needs to be maintained, I encourage you to maintain your spiritual life. I’ve always loved the verse found in Isaiah 40:30-33, “Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”

The Need for Strong Men

When we look at America and see the moral decline, we can blame a lot of things, but I want you to know that the first place we have to look is at the men. Not men who are not saved and don’t care about the spiritual decline; I’m talking about the men in the church rising up and holding ourselves accountable to lead our families in the ways that God has called us to lead them. Too often we pass off the responsibility that God created us to take on because we have other things to do. “I’m too busy with work,” “I have my social life to keep up with,” or “there’s that hobby that takes up so much of my time.” I’m not saying that these are areas that you cannot build into your life, but we must understand what is of eternal perspective and what is only temporary. As men, we are called to be the spiritual leaders of our families. We want our children to excel in life, but the most important area they need to excel in is learning who Jesus Christ is and how to follow Him on a daily basis. As men, we need to assure our wives that we are in this together and we will take the lead with our families. As men, we need to stand up for Christ when we see other men not living the way they should, loving others enough to pour into them and help them get back on track.

As a boy, I was not the most athletic, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to play sports. I had coaches and other players who would call me out if I was doing something wrong and show me how to do it the right way. They were not doing this to be mean but instead wanted the best for me and the team. I remember one football practice we had when I was a freshman in high school. We were doing a tackling drill where the bigger lineman would hit a running back low and then the smaller safety or corner would come and hit the running back higher. I was a short kid, so when it was my turn to do the drill I was hitting the defensive lineman in the back more than the running back. The coach was not very pleased and told me that I’d be running laps if I did it again. Sure enough, I did it again and I was off and running. I tried to explain that I was too short, but the coach wouldn’t listen, so I had to learn how to overcome my problem. I learned that I needed to get a running start and then jump and launch myself at the running back. I learned how to overcome my weakness to accomplish what the team needed done.

How often do we see a man going the wrong direction and, rather than calling him out because we love and care about him, we just hope he corrects himself? As a man, I don’t want to wait and react; instead, out of love I challenge men today to get involved and help other men become stronger in their faith.

Unconditional Love

We all want to be loved and appreciated, and we live with this fear: “If the people around me knew the real me, they might not like me.” There’s a quote I read that put it this way: “I’m afraid to tell you who I am because if I really reveal what I’m like and if you don’t like it then I’m up a creek, because I’m all I got.” We take away the value we bring to a relationship. Sometimes we don’t give those around us the respect it takes to know that they love us and will continue to love us even though we’re not perfect. I struggle when I’m around people who try to fool me by acting as if they are perfect. Hello….none of us are perfect! Even Jesus condemned those men who brought the woman caught in adultery for acting as if they were perfect. Remember the story found in John 8? They brought this woman, and by law she was to be stoned, but Jesus looked at her and had nothing but love and compassion for her. He made a simple statement to the men, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” As those men stood there letting that statement sink in, they knew that they were not blameless, and so they all slowly turned and left until the only ones remaining were the woman and Jesus. But here is the amazing part of the story: Jesus looked at her and said that since no one else had condemned her, then neither did He. He told her, “Go and don’t sin any more.” The one who had every right to condemn her was the one who showed the greatest mercy.

Those who are closest to us should be shown the greatest mercy by us. Why? Because we understand that none of us are perfect, and we do not love them because they are perfect; we love them because God brought them to a very special place in our lives. This is real maturity—the character of Christ shining in our lives. I’ve seen it demonstrated in my family my whole life. One story that stands out occurred when Tami and I had only been married a few years. Tami’s grandfather was a great man, and he took great pride in his car. Every two years he’d trade it in and get another one. One afternoon Tami was at her parents’ house visiting and while she was there her grandfather drove in and parked behind Tami. Tami and I were driving a full-size converted van and she left that day to come home for the evening. She jumped in the van and didn’t think about a car being behind her and backed right into her grandfather’s new car. She was devastated and didn’t go inside to tell them what had happened, instead driving straight home and coming into the house crying because of what she’d done. She couldn’t face her grandfather getting mad at her, so I called him and explained what happened. His maturity kicked in and he had Tami get on the phone so he could console her. He affirmed his love for her, that a car can be repaired, and that the love of family is far more important than any car. There’s nothing more important in life than the love you give and receive from your family. They will be with you no matter what, so don’t be afraid to be honest about your feelings. 

I learned a great lesson that day. If it had been my car that was struck, because of my immaturity I would have said some things to Tami that wouldn’t have been very nice. The things I would have said would have made her feel worse than she already felt and I would have thought I was justified in saying them. Thank the Lord, I’m not that same man any longer. My family needs to understand my love for them. We are not perfect, but in Christ our love for one another can be made perfect. Work on building strong relationships with those who are closest to you. Love them, forgive them, and accept them for who they are.

Understanding Our Differences

Over the past few days I’ve found myself dreaming about the nice, hot days of summer because this cold spell has not been any fun. I often hear from people that I should be used to cold weather because I grew up in the North, but my response is, “I will never get used to the cold.” I enjoyed the winter activities of building snow men, having snowball fights, making snow angels, building tunnels in the snow, and playing football in it when I was younger, but as I grew older my body changed. I got to the point of despising those cold days when I could never get warm. I know that God made all of us unique and there are those who prefer the cold days of winter over the hot days of summer. Part of the joy of life is that we are all so different.

Tami and I will be celebrating our 32nd anniversary this year and we have both had a lot of growing up to do through the years. We have had those moments of driving each other crazy, wondering why in the world God brought us together. But we’ve had many more moments of enjoying the life that God has blessed us with. Marriage is not easy because you are bringing two individuals together that have different wants and needs. For me, marriage is learning that it’s not about me but what is best for Tami and how I help her become what God wants her to be in life. Tami has a lot of drive and is a wonderful mom and Mimi. She is successful in the business world at the company she works for, even with all the stresses that her job brings into her life. She’s an amazing wife who is constantly stepping up to help me look better with my wardrobe and in my ministry. And, most importantly, she is a woman who has a passion for God.

As a husband, I try to bring into Tami’s life everything she needs to feel complete. There are days when I’m not very good at deciphering what she needs, but eventually I figure it out. What I do know is that I’m not perfect and neither is Tami, but we are committed to each other. We’ve grown and gotten better at reading each other, but we still have those days. The most important thing we can do to grow our relationship together is to remain close to God and His plan for our lives. If I’m fulfilling God’s plan for my life, then I’m showing Tami how important she is to me by being there for her and helping her when times get tough. Our society is trying to destroy the family by changing the values that the Bible commands us to live by. Don’t allow that to hinder the plan God has for you and your spouse. Instead, be committed, go “all in,” draw a line in the sand, do whatever it takes to show that you’re in your marriage for the rest of your life. We deal with enough stresses in life, so let’s not bring on another stress by creating doubt about our commitment to our marriage. Life is about relationships, and everything we are looking at deals with relationships.