The Stump Saga Ends!

Last weekend I had a major project to handle, and it wasn’t eating a lot of wings, chips, and barbeque while watching what was supposed to be a football game. For several months I have made known the dilemma of the stump in my front yard. I’ve done everything possible to get rid of the stump without actually having to do any work. I set it on fire only to have the fire department pull up with sirens blazing to put out my little fire. I’ve drilled holes into it and poured in stump killer that was supposed to bring the stump to an end. I even went so far as to just ignore it, thinking that would solve my problem. Unfortunately, my HOA—you know, those people who want to tell you what you’re doing wrong on your own property—they haven’t taken a liking to my stump. A few months ago they sent me a nice letter basically saying, “Get rid of the stump!” Thus began my quest; I tried everything to make it disappear, but nothing was working.

Then, a week ago, I received another letter that notified me I was being fined because the stump was still there. My first thought was, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” The stump was cut so low that it was impossible to see from the road, so whoever penalized me had to get out of their vehicle to walk up and look down to see my stump. I can walk out my front door, look to my left and right, and see houses with yards that are absolutely hideous. No grass, tree roots everywhere, overgrown trees that haven’t been pruned in years, bushes that are out of control. I look at my yard and I see nice grass, a beautiful large tree that is trimmed and ready for spring, bushes in our flower bed that are shaped and taken care of, no weeds… and yet I’m the one getting fined. Sometimes this world just doesn’t make any sense.

However, being the good citizen that I am, I decided that I had to get rid of the stump, and last Saturday was the day. I took an ax, a hammer and chisel, and my reciprocating saw and was ready to go to work. I started out with the ax. Wielding it with the force of Thor, I began to see the menaces of my yard fall apart. After about 15 minutes of swinging, I found myself saying a prayer—a prayer of thanksgiving that I don’t have to do this every day. After about 45 minutes, I was three-fourths of the way done, when suddenly the head of the ax snapped off. I still had other tools, though, and I would not be defeated. I took the hammer and chisel and began chipping away. The problem was with my hands. After tightly gripping and swinging an ax for 45 minutes, I couldn’t grip anything. After 5 minutes of hitting my fingers more than the chisel, I moved on to my last tool, the reciprocating saw. Slowly I began carving away from the stump like I carve up a turkey at Thanksgiving. After another 45 minutes, I can proudly tell you that the stump was gone! At least, it’s gone enough that I can cover it with dirt and sod and not be penalized.

There are a couple of things this drawn-out drama has taught me. First, don’t mess with the HOA… they show no mercy and will fine you just because they can. Second, there are going to be stumps in life that don’t want to die. They could be a bad habit, a lack of discipline, your temper, not treating people the way they should be treated, or even not living to your fullest the life you’ve committed to live. Now, some will tell you it’s hopeless because these things are just you and will always be you. I don’t agree with that; I can change because the Bible declares that all things are possible through Christ. I can mature and fully become the man in Christ that I want to be. Last of all, I learned that for an amateur like me to think I can swing an ax for 45 minutes and not have it affect me is crazy. I sit here today and still can’t get a tight grip on things. Saturday evening I couldn’t grip a fork, so I had to stab my food with it to eat. On Sunday, I had to open some jars, and I could barely open them because my hands just would not cooperate. And even today, Tuesday, I still have no strength in my hands. Can any of the real men who do this type of stuff tell me when I’ll feel normal again? And yes, if I had it all to do over again, I would hire a company with a stump grinder to remove the stump, but if I’d done that you wouldn’t be able to laugh at my ignorance!